5 Fears Birth Mothers Have About Open Adoption

By Laysha Macedo

With the birth of a child, the fears that arise are common for birth mothers—even more so when considering an open adoption in your adoption plan. At Adoption Choices of Florida, we see and understand not only how these come about but also how they make birth mothers feel. We have compiled a list of some of the most common fears birth mothers feel in regard to open adoptions. While not exhaustive, we share the familiar sentiments that birth mothers may experience, along with how to alleviate those fears. Open adoptions come with having some presence in the adoptee’s life that can bring to the surface complicated feelings. While validating the emotions of birth mothers, it is important to point out that the choices made for adoption are ultimately what the birth mother decided was best for the baby.

An open adoption is an agreement between the birth and adoptive parents in which they engage in varying levels of communication and connection depending on the comfort level of the families. This kind of communication can look differently in any given situation, at times with the birth mother even being actively involved in the baby’s life.

I Am a Bad Person for Giving My Baby Up for Adoption

Although this fear may come about, know that you are not a bad person. The decision you made to place your baby for adoption was not easy, and the reasons for it are valid. Whether it is a result of the father not being involved or you are not in the best position to take care of a child, your choice for adoption is valid and puts the baby’s needs first. This does not mean that you are a bad person. While you may fear being a bad person for your decision while still being in the baby’s life, communication is key. If you, as the birth mother and the adoptive parents, are on the same page in terms of communication with the child, you will be able to have the honesty needed for the child to understand that the choice made was not because you are a “bad” person.

My Birth Child Will Be Confused in the Future

Again, while this fear is valid, communication is key! As the child grows, the conversation had by the adoption triad—birth mother, adoptive parents, child—can evolve for the child to better understand who each person in their life is. They may have questions and confusion here and there, which is why it’s important to continue having conversations as they get older so that they are aware.

Adoptive Parents Will Not Follow the Plan or Agreement

We understand the concern of putting trust in the adoptive parents to continue that thread of communication once the adoption process happens. However, as we’ve mentioned throughout this article, communication is an important tool to alleviate many of these fears. Coupled with that, the choice of adoptive parents also plays an important part in this fear not becoming an issue. Having enough communication with and knowledge of the adoptive parents before, during, and after the adoption process in order to have a good understanding of who they are. This is to ensure that there is a sense of trust between both parties to continue these lines of communication.

I Will Regret Giving Up My Baby

While remaining, to some extent, in the child’s life, it may occur that you might rethink or reconsider your choice. This is a valid concern, given the situation. However, the period of decision-making is long and well-thought-out. After weighing all the options, you came to the conclusion of placing your baby up for adoption. If these thoughts or fears cross your mind, think of those reasons that lead to this choice. This was not a decision made on a whim; it was made with the child’s needs in mind.

The Healing Process Post-Placement Will be Elongated

A fear that may emerge is the possibility of your presence in the baby’s life, making the process of moving on from the decision-making and the adoption itself slower and/or more difficult. Once the adoption process is done, we understand the desire to get past a difficult period of decision-making and how continuing to be around your baby may be hard. We do believe that with proper communication and boundaries, you will be able to get through this. Check in with yourself and figure out what limits you need in order to move forward in a manner that is most mindful not only for yourself but for your baby and the adoptive family.

We do our best to understand and help alleviate the fear birth mothers may have in regard to their adoption process in Florida. If you are seeking more information on open adoptions in Florida or other types of adoptions, reach out to Adoption Choices of Florida for more. Adoption Choices of Florida is an adoption agency based in Florida that will help guide you through this process.