Coping with Birth Mother Grief and Loss

By Blessing E. Ikhimokpa

When birth mothers have gone through placing their child up for adoption, they have feelings of grief and loss. This is because they’re placing their child in a home that isn’t with them, which gives them that feeling of loss. However, the birth mother knows they’ve done the right thing for them and the birth child.  

If you feel this way, you can talk to a counselor at our adoption agency. Here at Adoption Choices of Florida, we have counselors that can help you through this. They’ve helped other birth parents before. So you’ll be in expert hands. So, if you felt grief or loss towards giving up your baby for adoption. We’re here to help you along the way.

What is Birth Mother Grief?

Birth mother grief is the feeling of loss. After you’ve placed a child up for adoption after giving birth, you miss that feeling of a connection. When birth mothers give birth, they’re given the option to have “skin to skin” contact, where you’ll hold the baby on your chest to have that connection. But since you’ve placed your child up for adoption. That connection you made is gone. Not gone forever, but gone for now. Depending on the method of adoption taken. You’ll be able to reconnect with the birth child and rekindle that connection once made.

The next step to overcoming loss after placing my birth child up for adoption in Florida?

After completing the adoption process in Florida, we advise birth mothers to seek therapy as an option. This is because they’ve placed their child up for adoption. So, they’re wondering if this was the right decision. Then, the birth parent (s) go through the different stages of grief.

This was for the birth child, so they placed their child up for adoption. When the adoption papers were being signed. The birth parents were going through the motions. Now that it’s over, they feel loss—the loss of their birth child. 

Birth parents feel loss because, although this was an unplanned pregnancy. The feeling of placing a child up for adoption is different for everyone. Everyone that has gone through the adoption process understands it was their choice in the end. That feeling of loss with help can make you a stronger person. This is because after you’ve gone through therapy. You placed the birth child up for adoption for a reason. You knew with you. Their life wouldn’t have gone how you wanted, so you chose adoption. This is you deciding to give the birth child a better life. A life that doesn’t involve you. But with therapy and counseling, you will understand that this was for the better.

How to overcome the feeling of loss after placing a child up for adoption in Florida?

To overcome the feeling of loss, you’ll have to:

• Grieve 
• Take a moment and go over how you’re feeling about this. 
• Understand that placing a child up for adoption doesn’t mean you gave them up.
• Try to sit down and talk to someone about how you’re feeling. 

To overcome the feeling of loss, you’ll have to grieve. The feeling of loss doesn’t go away unless you make it go away. Understanding why you’re feeling loss will help in overcoming it—knowing that the feeling of loss in this situation isn’t bad. It’s justified. Depending on your birth plan, you’re feeling the loss of that connection. That connection some birth mothers get once they’ve given birth. 

When going over your different emotions. Find something that will ground you. Something that will take your mind away from the adoption process. Like taking a vacation to relax your mind, joining a support group, and going over how you feel with other birth mothers. Relaxing in a warm bath to calm your senses. So you’re at ease entirely. Things that will make you feel calm.

After you’ve done the things that relax you and have gone over your emotions, have someone remind you that placing your birth child up for adoption wasn’t giving them up. Then, talk to a counselor that will help ease your mind. Someone that will help you in coming to an understanding. At our adoption agencies in Florida, we have counselors you can talk to. They’ll be another ear you can talk to. Someone you can express your emotions too. 

The feeling of grief and loss doesn’t go away by themselves. So be the one to take the next step in healing. If you are a pregnant woman in Florida considering adoption and have any questions or concerns about the adoption process, please don’t hesitate to reach out. For more information on adoption, visit us at Adoption Choices of Florida or call us at: (833) 352-3678, or text us at 904-559-1251