How to Write a Letter to Your Birth Child

March 22, 2023

By Adoption Choices of Florida

How to Write a Letter to Your Birth Child

Writing a letter to your birth child is a decision that is entirely up to you to make. You can do so while you’re still pregnant, or years later when your birth child is all grown up. As a birth mother, you’re not required to write a letter to your birth child. However, if you decide you want to, getting started isn’t easy! A lot of birth mothers who choose to write letters to their birth child have no idea where to start.

Whether you’re on the fence about writing a letter or wondering where to start, Adoption Choices of Florida has got you covered! Below, we’ve given you a few ideas on what to include in a letter to your birth child, and a few ideas on what not to include!

Writing a Letter to Your Birth Child

  • What to Include:
    • A little information about yourself! Most adoptees simply want the chance to get to know their birth mother. In your letter, tell your birth child a little bit more about who you are. Tell them what your life was like when you placed them for adoption and what your life is like now. If you have a family, talk about them as well. Let them know what you do for a living and so on. Remember, when getting to know each other, learning general information about each other is a great way to build trust!
  • Positive talk about your adoption journey and positive adoption language! Every birth mother’s adoption process is different, with its own unique highs and lows. As you’re writing your letter, try to talk positively about adoption in Florida and use positive adoption language. Even if you were presented with difficulties, remember that your decision allowed you to give your child a better life. For more information on positive adoption language, please visit our website’s blog on how to use positive adoption language.  
  • Your feelings! Openness and honesty! It’s OK to express your feelings to your birth child, but try to remain positive. If you write to your child about a difficult time in your adoption process, try to include something positive. What did you learn from that difficult time in your adoption journey? How did it help you prepare for the rest of the journey? Expressing negativity toward your experience with adoption agencies — or toward adoption in general — can have a damaging impact on your birth child.
  • A little information about your child’s other birth family! Your birth child may have some information about their other birth family members, but you may be able to help by filling in some of the gaps. For as difficult as it can be for an adoptee to discover they have another birth family out there, it can also be fun to learn more about their family history and where they come from!  
  • A current photo of yourself! So long as you’re comfortable with doing so, feel free to include a current photo of yourself in your letter. It’s common for an adoptee to wonder whether or not they look like their birth mother, birth father, or another member of their birth family. So, including a photo of yourself can be a fun little surprise to add to your birth child’s letter! If you continue to write letters for and/or exchange letters with your birth child, you may also find it fun to include photos of other birth family members or little mementos from your adoption journey!  
  • What Not to Include:
    • Negative talk about your adoption journey or adoption in general! As aforementioned, every birth mother’s adoption journey is different. Sometimes, it’s OK to write to your child about the difficult times you faced while working with adoption agencies. But again, try to circle back to something positive. Also, be mindful of how negative talk about adoption can negatively impact your birth child. Most adoptees view their adoption as a huge part of what makes them who they are today. Negative adoption talk can change their perception of adoption — and of their identity as an adoptee — into something to be embarrassed or ashamed of, which is completely untrue! 
  • Negative talk about your child’s birth father, regardless of his role — or lack thereof — in your adoption journey! Be honest about the birth father’s role in your adoption journey, but avoid talking negatively about him. One day, your birth child may try to seek him out. Your birth child should be free to get to know their birth father on their own and form their own opinions of him without yours getting in the way!  

A Little More on the Importance of Getting to Know Each Other in an Adoption Relationship… 

Remember, a great place to start is allowing your child to get to know you first. Again, it’s OK to communicate openly and honestly with them, but you may not want to overwhelm them with information. Getting to know each other is an extremely important part of building trust and establishing a strong relationship. By spending a little extra time getting to know each other, you’ll become more comfortable with each other. 

If you decide to discuss your adoption decision with your birth child, you should feel more confident in doing so!

If you are a pregnant woman in Florida considering adoption, and have any questions or concerns about the adoption process, please don’t hesitate to reach out. For more information on adoption, visit us at Adoption Choices of Florida or call us at: (833) 352-3678