I’m Not Sad About Placing My Baby For Adoption, Is Something Wrong With Me?

By Alexis Diamond

When it comes to life-altering events, there are emotions that are generally expected for people to experience when dealing with them. You will hear happiness often associated with childbirth or guilt due to placing your child up for adoption. These expectations are often cast on the birth mother, and while they exist, they are very unfair. Not to mention, they aren’t always accurate. Meaning a birth mother’s emotions after putting their child up for adoption are never absolute. In reality, there are a multitude of emotions that one can feel after giving up their baby for adoption. While that can sometimes be sadness, it can also be something else entirely. These can range from happiness to guilt to joy, all depending on the situation. If you have concerns about your emotions post-adoption, we at Adoption Choices of Florida are here to ease your worries.

The Uniqueness of Emotions in Adoption

Exploring negative emotions is a difficult thing, but what happens when how you feel isn’t the “norm?” Some of the feelings most birth mothers expect to feel are:

• Guilt
• Denial
• Anger
• Sadness

However, just like with many other scenarios, there are always exceptions. What if you, as a birth mother, are happy or relieved following the adoption of your baby? It isn’t abnormal to feel relief following a stressful event. The general negative emotions, while also being normal, come from a place of concern. They often come about as a result of pre-existing nerves about the child’s future or attachment to the child, which is perfectly ok. However, being happy that the adoption process was successful is also perfectly ok. Guilt is not always indicative of a poor decision, just like joy after adoption isn’t indicative of an uncaring birth mother. Feelings that your child will be better off in their new home is a common feeling. Just as beginning to feel hope for your own future as well, which is not selfish at all. Open and semi-open adoption can offer child visitation if you choose to move forward with these options to help you cope. Being a birth mother is already strenuous. Therefore, there’s no need to put undue stress on yourself for a decision that ultimately benefits you and the child. Instead, let’s explore how you, as a birth mother, can healthily navigate these complicated feelings. 

Exploring Adoption Emotions

Whether you begin to feel sad, conflicted, or happy post-adoption, counseling can always be a great resource. One of the more prominent concerns regarding child adoption is that you’re doing the wrong thing. Although that’s a common thought, that doesn’t mean it’s right. Child adoption is in no way selfish, wrong, or bad. In fact, it’s very selfless and thoughtful. There are many reasons a child can be put up for adoption. Some include personal or financial reasons. And if that decision means the best for you and the child, then guilt isn’t necessary. We encourage those struggling with coming to terms with the adoption or processing whether your feelings are valid to reach out for help. There are counseling services available for birth mothers, and Adoption Choices of Florida will also help you. 

Though the emotional expectations for birth mothers are powerful, it is important to understand that your emotions aren’t invalid. Whether how you feel as a mother following child adoption aligns with societal expectations is not indicative of your character. Nor is it a sign of something being wrong with you. 

Should I Choose Adoption For My Child?

This decision is entirely up to the parents. However, if you’re wondering how to put your newborn up for adoption, there are resources to help guide you. In Florida, choosing adoption in Miami can also be beneficial. It’s local and can offer some great resources as well. We can aid you in whatever your journey is. In cases of an unplanned pregnancy, making decisions that benefit yourself and the child can be stressful. When choosing adoption Florida, you can expect to have support through each and every step of the adoption process. We can guide you through an adoption plan, as well as provide multiple kinds of support. 

Whatever emotions you are feeling post-adoption are valid. Whether they be positive or negative, they are still indicative of you being caring. We encourage those struggling with their feelings post-adoption to reach out for help as soon as you feel comfortable. There’s no need to process your emotions alone.