Life After Adoption

December 7, 2023

By Adoption Choices of Florida

Life After Adoption

By Moki Murillo

Placing one’s baby for adoption is often one of the most difficult choices that a birth mother could make. In our experience, birth mothers have good reasons to pursue adoption. Most have circumstances that prevent them from raising a child in a stable environment. Despite this, feelings of guilt and regret often linger throughout the adoption process. Oftentimes, these negative feelings persist long after the adoption process is over. There is potential for serious trauma, which is why Adoption Choices of Florida urges birth mothers to practice self-care. 

While these feelings can be intense, they will fade with time and care. It is possible to find joy and peace after the adoption process. Our adoption agencies can also help you by providing resources to support your mental health through this trying time.

Adoption Types and Open Adoptions

Many birth mothers mourn the life they could have had with their baby. Thanks to popular knowledge, most birth mothers think that adoption means that they will never see their child again. While this can be true in some cases, it doesn’t have to be the sole outcome.

Adoption in Florida comes in multiple types. In closed adoption, there is indeed no contact between the birth mother, the child, and the adoptive family. Open adoptions, however, are different. As the birth mother, you can receive regular updates on your child via your adoption specialist. If the adoptive parents consent, you can even see your child in person. While the adoptive parents still hold legal custody, you can form a special relationship with your child. Not only will this benefit your mental health, it can help your child come to terms with their identity. After all, you can give them answers that only you can provide. This is especially if the adoptive parents are from a different race or culture. As part of your adoption plan, you, as the birth mother, can choose any adoption type you wish.

Mental Health Resources

Of course, there is nothing wrong with pursuing a closed adoption if you feel it best. Regardless of your chosen adoption type, we recommend that you take care of yourself during the adoption process. Adoption in Tampa and our adoption services, in general, allow you access to crucial mental health services. These services are even free as part of your adoption plan if you are eligible. As mental health needs can vary wildly, our adoption agencies offer a variety of services.

There are, of course, one-on-one therapy sessions with a single professional. This form of therapy can allow the birth mother to more easily identify their problems. Hopefully, this would make these problems more tangible and easier to solve. Alternatively, group therapies can allow one to gain insight by observing the struggles of their fellow birth mothers. They are not the only forms of therapy that we offer, however. Your adoption specialist can recommend a therapy that can best suit your needs.

In addition to therapy, Adoption Choices of Florida has a number of support groups that you can join. Joining a support group can help you form bonds of community with other birth mothers. This can pull birth mothers out of isolation as they find solidarity in the shared struggles of others. We also offer retreats, which can allow you to escape your daily problems for a time. Hopefully, time spent in a more relaxing place can mentally recharge you before going back to reality.

Adoption Issues You Must Face

Although our agencies can provide resources to aid in your mental recovery, they won’t magically solve all your problems. While you have good reasons to choose adoption for your child, you will probably still feel guilt and anxiety. After your child is put through placement, you may even feel regret or depression regarding your decision. These feelings are natural and a sad reality for many birth mothers. Even the best rationalizations can’t repress these negative feelings. 

In our experience, the best way to deal with these feelings is to practice self-care regularly. This is often not a quick process, so you need to be patient with yourself. You will probably have bad days, but progress does not happen overnight. Our resources can assist in that recovery, but it is also important to seek help from other sources. We find that having an existing support network of family, friends, and loved ones can be most beneficial. While professional help is important, your loved ones can be a great source of comfort and guidance. Unfortunately, not every birth mother has this kind of support. If you are one of them, then a support group can be the next best thing. The solidarity and friendship you can form with like-minded people can be a relief to those needing outside support.

Dealing With Life After Adoption

Your path to mental recovery will likely not have a clear end goal. After adoption, you will still need to live your own life. We understand that doing so without your child can be difficult. Thankfully, Adoption Choices of Florida will continue paying for your expenses for six weeks after placement. If you are eligible, this means you still have access to our mental health resources during this timeframe. You might also be able to arrange more long-term mental health support with your adoption specialist. Your most important priority, however, should be how to live your life after adoption.

Choosing adoption for your child does not mean closing yourself off to motherhood forever. This decision does not mean you are any less worthy of being a mother. If you feel shame, we hope that you find it in yourself to find the joy of children again. You are allowed to have a family after adoption. Even if you have a relationship with the adoptee, you can have a family that is all your own. While things may not look hopeful now, change is possible if you put in the effort.

If you are having an unplanned pregnancy, please consider calling Adoption Choices of Florida today.